Geranimals. The Geranimals chose ninth this year, their highest pick since taking Vernon Davis with the seventh overall in 2006. It was only their second first rounder since that time. The other being Roy Helu with the twelfth overall last year. They decided to go with a big athletic receiver, as they often do, Brian Quick. Ray Sherman, the Rams receivers coach, who previously coached Terrell Owens in Dallas said, “I see a lot of similarities to Terrell Owens. The way the kid goes and gets the ball, the physicality, the desire … he has a chance to be special, no doubt.”
In the second round the Geranimals went with a big pounding “explosive through the hole” running back, Terrance Gannaway. Most scouts wrote off his numbers as him benefiting from being in the same offense as RGIII. They’re wrong. This guy is a physical specimen who will adapt to the NFL game just fine.
Shawdads. The Shawdad trades are too numerous to keep track of. If there were any capital gains both he and the IRS would have a tough time tracking down just what they were. We can say this, giving up Victor Cruz and a Geranimal 2013 second rounder for a Cadaver 2013 first rounder? Double F, FF. Fucktard Foolish. Taking in to account the Hakeem Nicks injury, it was Triple F, FFF. Featherhead Fucktard Foolish.
Courtesy of the king of FFF moves, Spoon, whom Renshaw skull fucked in a multi-pick trade down the stretch last year, the Shawdads had a gaggle of picks to play with. They had three in the top 10 alone. The first being Andrew Luck with the third overall. Can’t argue with it, but we’ll go to our contact inside the Geranimal scouting department for a more in depth look. His thoughts follow, “I watched every throw from the 2010 Oregon game that they lost. Calls his own plays, which is something. Underneath, underneath, underneath, dump off, screen, underneath, wide open . . . Not a single NFL caliber throw, with the exception of a couple outs during garbage time. Maybe he’s so good he makes it look easy? Good mobility, but tucks and runs too much. Was under pressure throughout the game, which could explain it all, but the defense definitely controlled him and not the other way around. Threw in to double and triple coverage multiple times. Fumbled snap on the goal line. I also watched every throw from the Orange Bowl game against Va. Tech, much of the same. Watched every throw of 2011 game against USC. He made some good throws and kept his poise in the pocket. Seems to like the deep cross and seam routes. Threw a pick 6 and a couple of other questionable balls. Good arm strength, but nothing special. I don’t SEE what all the hype is about YET, but the numbers are definitely there and he did make a variety of throws from under center. If he’s available I’d recommend revisiting the film before passing, however I wouldn’t advise trading up for him.
With the fifth overall Renshaw chose running back David Wilson. We liked this pick. Our friend the Geranimal scout did too, “A tough, physical runner for his size with what looks like first round speed on tape. Incredible balance, you hear, “Still on his feet!” quite a bit when watching his highlights. Balance is the quality that really stands out. Good wiggle and finishes his runs. Can catch the ball. Reverses field too much, but it appears to be a product of his competitiveness. Looked slight in the upper body on tape, but it doesn’t seem to keep him from breaking tackles. Officially 5’10” 206. He runs like a bigger back.”
The Shawdads took Alshon Jeffery with the tenth overall. Character issues surround him, in particular his weight and work ethic. In a league filled with talented athletes, no one gets far being lazy. Obviously, having never met the guy, we can’t say with any degree of certainty that this is true, but we’re lazy and chose to believe it.
Bernard Pierce is fast, running a 4.38 at his pro day. He already has a hamstring injury though.
Devier Posey. Kubiak has already questioned his conditioning. “He’s inconsistent,” Kubiak said of Posey. “He missed a year of football, which you can tell. … We have to get him caught up.” Posey was suspended for all but three games his senior season.
Chaches. Ryan Tannehill. Does anyone think Tannehill’s wife is THAT hot? She seems to have a lot of buzz, but let’s go to our friend the Geranimal scout for his opinion. “Too thin, not athletic or muscular, just malnourished. Teeth look like they’re too big for her face. Overly tan in a borderline unhealthy way. Eyes are too far apart. Skank. Will not age well, especially in Miami sun. Would I devote time to spanking it in salute to her beauty? Nah. Would I do her? Of course. Will LeBron do her? Probably.” This nameless scout’s statements do not reflect the opinions of this writer or the FFKL, it’s affiliates, or business partners. We have never met her but Mrs. Tannehill is surely a lovely woman.
Now, the scouts take on Tannehill, the QB. “His short arm release reminds me of Marino. Something tells me this kid played basebalI. Middle infielder? I watched every throw from 2010 season’s LSU game. They blitzed him all night which may explain why he never threw the ball down field. He threw 3 ugly picks. Lots of slants, check downs and hot reads. Isn’t afraid to pull the trigger. He let’s it go. He could evolve in to a gun slinger, but forces it in to coverage right now. With better pre-snap reads this fearless quality could be a real positive. This is probably a guy who would have to sit for awhile before playing, especially after converting from WR. Although he’s a former WR, I didn’t see anything special running the ball. I didn’t see anything that excited me except the fearlessness. There were no WOW throws.”
In the third round, Chache took Wee Man from the Jack Ass crew. Nah, he didn’t, but if that Lil’ guy had gone to Florida he would have. Chris Rainey, small, fast, former Gator.
Spoon. No picks. FFF.
You can view the entire FFKL rookie draft here.