Zoo of Death. The ZOD picks were plentiful. He did well. First, Trent Richardson with the first overall pick. This guy is as advertised. We watched a lot of him over the years and we hoped no one would notice what we saw. Fat chance. He was so good we laughed sometimes. A big explosive game changer, though not as fast as AP, he’s bigger and more physical. Oh, and he can catch the ball. Brownie fans and ZOD fans will be very happy.
Something to keep an eye on, Richardson has close ties with a former Alabama booster who still manages to show up with him in photos, at birthday parties, house warming parties, luncheons, swap meets, etc. Typical SEC shady dealings so probably nothing to worry about, unless Goodell finds out something concrete and he and his tight anus get offended.
Next, Justin Blackmon, originally an epic fail that ZOD turned in to a positive. Here is the condensed order of events. Justin “Black Label” was highly touted. He was taken by the Jags early, taken by ZOD early. JBL drinks, drinks some more, gets caught driving drunk for a second time. Sqwee is heard throughout the land, as the FFKL follows its credo to rejoice in anyone and everyone experiencing misfortune. ZOD drinks. ZOD trades JBL to AAA for Dez Bryant and a third rounder. Epic fail to epic save. More sqwee.
Kendall Wright was physically unimpressive at the combine, but all the experts said to trust the tape. We weren’t sold on “the tape” either. ZOD, trusting draftniks and butt covering NFL GM’s, was. That said, Wright impressed everyone during OTA’s. That is until he injured his shoulder diving for a ball. The Titans willingness to sit him out for the upcoming mini-camp may speak to their confidence in him. Decent pick, not a first rounder in our opinion.
Coby Fleener. Tall, athletic and oh, he’s going to play with his college quarterback. We thought he might have gone in the first round. Then there’s AJ “Leroy”Jenkins. He showed up for camp overweight and out of shape. Worse? He’s been out played by virtually everyone in pads. Leroy! Leroy! How high is he? He’s done. Leroy Jenkins, everybody. Leroy Jenkins.
Brock Osweiler. For this pick, we give you a look inside the official Geranimal scouting report. The scout is not identified. “I watched every throw of the 2011 Boise St. Game and every throw of the USC game. I’ve never seen so many swing passes, mostly against USC. Big guy, 6’7″, plays basketball. Is supposed to be able to run a 4.7 40, but he didn’t run at the combine or his pro day. Good arm with a funny Philip Rivers delivery. I didn’t see anything with arc or touch, everything was a laser, even short. Needs work on his feet, actually saw him crow hop on a swing pass. Tucks and runs after one read quite a bit. Doesn’t move in the pocket and continue to look downfield. He’s one read, force it, or run. Looks like the beneficiary of a lot of YAC. Still, big, strong, athletic, good arm, raw. Might be worth a 3rd round flier for someone depending on his situation.”
Cadavers. Lots of late round picks. First, Reuben Randle, 6’3″ 210 lbs., he ran a 4.55 at the combine, faster at his pro day, but one has to question the legitimacy of SEC pro day numbers for obvious reasons. After a fortuitous injury to Hakeem Nicks he is in fact viable. Greg Childs, the self-proclaimed steal of the draft. This guy reminds us of a larger Freddie “Fred-Ex” Mitchell. He has the upside of a career NFL #3 and a FFKL waiver wire occupant.
Brandon Weeden, 28 year-old Brandon Weeden. Already struggling with his accuracy at OTA’s, we are forced to question this pick publicly yet again. His upside is a dink and dunk game manager that hands off to Trent Richardson.
Robert Turbin, now we like this pick in the third round. We had him pegged as a FFKL second round prospect. He’s powerful. Joe Adams has some upside … as a return specialist. Juron Criner is a possession receiver who hopes to play in the NFL one day. To be fair, he drew praise for his performance during OTA’s, but it was fellow rookie Rod Streater who ran with the ones when Denarius Moore went down.
The Cadavers learned how difficult it is to acquire talent when one isn’t ripping someone off for their #1 pick, or selling a pouch of magic beans for their star running back. Oh, they tried, they always try. There was a trade with the ABC announced and then mysteriously reversed during the draft that would have landed the Cadavers Robert Griffin III. There was another trade, this time successful, that resulted in the dynamic Victor Cruz wearing Cadaver purple. We have two suggestions, one for the league, and one for the Cadavers. We suggest the Cadavers run their new boys through their controversial rookie draft success metric in a couple years and taste humility. We suggest the league reject all trade requests from Grima Wormtongue.
Spearchuckers. Can you teach me how to Dougie? Doug Martin. We like this pick a lot, and as we said on the forums, so does Kate Upton.
Hillman is physically pedestrian by our estimation and Nick Toon, son of Al Toon, joins a crowded receiving corp in New Orleans.
ABC. They tried real hard to throw away their draft, but only the one red human blood cell left in the Commissioner’s cold black heart saved him. He get Robert Griffin III. Who is about as hyped a player we’ve seen in any years. Lamar Miller is explosive, and we were amazed he fell as much as he did in the NFL Draft, and the FFKL Draft. Michael Egnew would have been a better TE selection instead of Ledarius Green, who landed in a crappy spot in San Diego.
You can view the entire 2012 rookie draft here.